We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
