Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
