i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
