Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
