Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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