i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize