i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
