Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Say something about gay babies.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
