It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
