just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
