I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
