mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
