These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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