Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
