My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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