nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
