Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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