What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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