she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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