That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
