I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
