I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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