its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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