i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
