at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
