i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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