Whod you bang
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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