pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
