Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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