no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
