Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
