his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
