I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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