This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
