i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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