Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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