I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
