I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Shame is for Republicans.
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