you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
