It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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