i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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