if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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