He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
