just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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