yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
