At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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