Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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