she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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