so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
