FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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