dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
