I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
