She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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