he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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