she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
