there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
