His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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