I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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