dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
