Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
