So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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