But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
